It is not uncommon for a child or teen with depression to avoid or refuse to go to school. This behavior can be disruptive to the family and heart-wrenching for parents to witness. School refusal often manifests as:
An inability or reluctance to wake up and get dressed.
Frequent visits to the school nurse or skipping specific classes.
Complaints of physical pain, such as headaches, stomach aches, nausea, or diarrhea.
While school refusal is often a manifestation of an illness like depression or anxiety, it can also stem from bullying or family issues. As Lee Dal Pra, LCSW, Director of Child Programs at Compass Health Center, notes: “It’s so important to have self-compassion. It’s a painful process for parents, caregivers, and everyone.”
One of the most important steps is understanding why your child is struggling. Once you have identified the cause, use these six strategies to move forward:
When your child refuses to go to school, try to remain calm. Getting upset can escalate the situation and increase stress for both of you. This is not a helpful headspace for a child who is already overwhelmed.
Think about what would be helpful if you were in your child’s shoes. Knowing that a parent understands their pain and acknowledges that getting to school is hard can provide immense comfort.
Remind your child of the support plan you have in place. If they are learning coping skills in therapy, ask the therapist to teach them to you as well. Review these skills daily and, with your child’s permission, cue in teachers so they can provide support during the school day.
Many students fear “losing control” or having an emotional breakdown in front of peers. Work with the school to establish a safe place—such as the nurse’s or social worker’s office—where your child can go to collect themselves.
Be firm about the importance of school attendance, but understand that overcoming chronic school refusal takes time. It is a journey, not a quick fix.
When you are depressed, you often see failure in everything. Counteract this by pointing out even the smallest steps in the right direction. Positivity and praise for using their skills are incredibly powerful tools for recovery.
At Erika’s Lighthouse, our 2024-25 Program Impact Report highlights that when schools implement a “Culture of Care,” students feel safer. After using our resources, 11% more students reported feeling comfortable talking with a Trusted Adult at school—a key factor in resolving school refusal.
By leveraging our Four Pillar Philosophy—specifically Family Engagement and Staff Training—we help ensure that the school environment is prepared to welcome your child back with empathy and professional support.